What's in a name?

We have been having an interesting discussion lately, so I thought I would take a poll. Tyler has been going to Kids on the Move for a few months now, and while they have done a LOT of assesments to see what areas he needs help in, they have never once mentioned diagnosing him with anything specific. Their focus is on working with the symptoms he has - his speech needs help, so we have a speech therapist. He needs some social interaction skills, so there is a playgroup for us.

With the family reunion last week, I was talking to one of my sister-in-laws whose son is autistic. She said that they also went through the early intervention stuff that we are doing, and also found it to be helpful- but only a little. I feel the same. They help, but they don't come often enough or help enough in many ways. She said she would get me the number of a place in SLC she went to. They ran a battery of tests and diagnosed Nathan with autism, and from there she got him into more speech therapy and other things that really opened doors for him.

And just a few days later, my Uncle emailed me about the exact same place, and how much it helped a couple they know with their child's disabilities. He had no idea my Sister-in-law had talked to me.

I guess that means we need to go there. But Christopher and I have our reservations. As a teacher, I was really irked by high school kids who would come in on the first day, arrive at my desk, and matter-of-factly announce that they had such and such disability which meant that they didn't have to turn in all the homework or finish tests on time or x, y, and z. Some of them really did need the help. But a good portion had a different "disability" that hindered them: the label. Their parents had them diagnosed a long time ago, and now this teenager was so programmed that they honestly believed they could not be anything else the rest of their lives. They knew what was expected of them, and it was less than what was expected of anyone else. It made me want to cry to sit in meetings with teachers, parents and the student while the parents sat next to their child and said "they can't do ____, you can't make them ___ like the other students," and such things over and over. Why don't we give them the chance, and keep telling them they can do anything if they work hard enough and don't give up?

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not talking about actual, severe disabilities. Nobody as autistic as Rainman or anything here. My nephew is truly autistic, and has developed leaps and bounds because his parents know what to do with that. I do believe that there are a lot of kids that truly benifit from these programs. In fact, one time I even talked a parent into getting the paperwork for expemptions going because he was a good kid who worked really hard and needed the extra time on tests, and I couldn't make exceptions for him without the papework. I am talking about the borderline kids, who use their learning disability label as an excuse for laziness.

So here we are. I was actually liking NOT having a label on Tyler, because I see him as a "borderline" kid, who is making TONS of progress, but way behind everyone else. I have been operating under the assumption that whatever the cause is, he will just be a little slower than other kids his whole life. And I plan to teach him that that is ok. Other kids can read something once for homework, and he might have to read it a few times, but that is ok. The most important thing to me is to teach him that he just has to put in that extra effort the rest of his life. I am not sure I want a label to make him think that he can't be like everyone else. I want him to know that he can if he puts his mind to it. But when two family members come out like this and point me to the same place that diagnoses the problem, I guess I need to just take the hint.

So what do you guys think? Would you want to know if it was autism, brain damage, or whatever else they label it as? Or would you rather just treat the symptoms?