This was certainly a first for me. Growing up around five brothers and a rather tom-boyish mother, I wasn't exactly a girly girl. I got makeup for the first time my senior year of high school, for heaven's sake. I never had sisters to do "girly" things with. And of course, the other first was leaving my husband in charge of the kids for three days to take a vacation on my own. It meant my kids probably dressed like homeless kids for a few days and ate nothing but pizza, but there are worse fates. (In fact, Daddy made some good potty training progress on Tyler while I was gone. Go Daddy!)
I have to say though, this weekend was EXACTLY what I needed. Okay, so probably everyone would benefit from a weekend off with girlfriends. But wow, we all kept talking about how we were coming home feeling envigorated.
Our theme for the weekend was doing whatever we wanted. Even when that meant we had Cold Stone for dinner one night! We spent hours shopping the outlet mall, we ate out wherever we wanted to, we watched chick flicks back to back, and honestly I don't think there was a break in the conversation the entire weekend unless we were asleep. We were so girly that we even all went into the same dressing room so we could critique each other's picks!
One of the main reasons I was looking forward to the weekend was knowing that I needed to change my outlook on my little girl. And my change came on the second day at one of my favorite places - a fabric store. One of the ladies with us is signed up for a quilting retreat this next weekend, and needed to buy all the fabric for her quilt. We found the fabric for the little quilts in an Ace Hardware of all places, but then we ended up in a large quilt shop a block away. We were looking for quilt fabric, but suddenly I fell in love with the most soft and adorable pink minky fabric. It reminds me of those beautiful wallpaper backgrounds you see in studio photography. I don't think this picture does it justice though.
It might be odd, but it was amazing to me how much the idea of making something special for this little girl has converted me to her. Thankfully, the two sweet ladies in the store were fantastic, and when I told them what I envisioned they took over, figured out measurements, and gave me all sorts of tips for making it. I can't wait to put it together and then take her newborn pictures wrapped up in it! I have to admit that I started out the trip talking about the "stinkin' GIRL", such as when she was kicking around in my tummy. But now, when I picture a tiny little lady in that blanket, I can just melt a little bit.
Well, while I was sorting out my blanket, my friend found the perfect fabric for her larger quilt. The ladies were fantastic, and were rounding up fabric from all over the shop, even calling the teacher of the class when we had questions about what we needed. (At the risk of sounding like an advertisement, the store is named "Quilted Works" and they were honestly fabulous.) But in the midst of all the fun chatter about which fabrics went well together and which didn't, I got a mysterious text from my mother-in-law that didn't make any sense to me. I found some wi-fi access and got on the family website to see what was going on.
One of my sister-in-laws has a due date a week or two after mine. So her ultrasound was three days after mine - they day I left town. And when they had gone in, all excited to find out if it was a boy or a girl, they found a baby with no heartbeat. There was a lot of fluid around his heart, so it may have been a heart condition, but he measured a week or so too small. The day I was in a quilt shop, falling in love with my little girl by buying her a baby blanket, she was in the hospital being induced. The text now made sense.
"8.5 oz 8 inches long. They named him Aaron Skarda."
And that is how I ended up standing in the middle of a quilt shop crying. One of the girls had found out that morning that she wasn't pregnant as she had hoped she would be. One of my sister-in-laws just lost her tiny little one halfway through her pregnancy. And I had walked in, not even happy to have my little girl. If that doesn't knock selfishness out of you, I really don't know what will.
When I came out of the ultrasound, I was really grateful that I had 20 weeks to convert myself to the idea of having a girl before she arrived, so that I didn't waste a minute once she was in my arms. I figured I could take a few weeks to pout before getting over it, if I needed to. But this reality check has really made the change come in a hurry. What a blessing to have a perfectly healthy baby on the ultrasound! And maybe now my little girl can grow up having fun, girly adventures with her big sister. I never had a sister, but at least now I can look forward to raising some.
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